I Don’t Miss Starving Myself

I Don’t Miss Starving Myself



“Do you have trouble catching your breath when you walk up the stairs?”


“Yes,” I replied, looking at the floor.

“Are you still getting your periods regularly?”

“Unfortunately,” I laughed.

“I’m surprised,” the doctor said. “There’s just a small percentage of women who do when they are so underweight.”

“I’m lucky,” I sighed.

“I want you to go to the lab and they will give you a bottle. Every time you have to pee, you will go in it.” She pushed her glasses up on her nose, her eyes glittering. “Clear a shelf in the refrigerator and instruct your kids not to drink it.”

I took the piece of paper and left the room, unable to absorb my doctor’s words. I couldn’t have an eating disorder because I thought I was too skinny! I don’t have body dysmorphia and so I just have a high metabolism. But I would do what she said. I was thin, had heavy periods and most women complimented me on my looks. Pretty much I was a hot mess…before there was such a thing.

When I came out on the other side of that experiment and after I had learned there were indeed muscle gasses in my urine, the truth sank in.

was sick. But this still wasn’t my bottom.

Bottom was 93 pounds and the threat of in-patient admittance if I couldn’t get myself to the half a dozen appointments a week.

“We will be making sure you attend,” the check-in lady said with an edge to her voice.

I swallowed back my tears, a painful lump in my throat that had been with me for about three weeks and shambled out to the parking lot. Then I set about healing. Finally.

My journey was long, decades of self-inflicted suffering I couldn’t understand and stop.

Rules I made up that seemed sane to me. Not to eat at night in case I might get sick. Never to eat anything that had been recalled. Never to eat anything that had a high percentage of being tainted. To toss leftovers. Never trust smells or expiration dates.

I had a disease they didn’t know how to treat; it has a name now, but my psychiatrist had no idea what to call it when he was seeing me: ARFID (Avoidant Restrictive Food Intake Disorder.)

The Eating Recovery Center (ERC) is celebrating Eating Recovery Day, today, May 2nd, using this day as one to increase awareness of the signs of eating disorders, and the hashtag #DontMissIt. According to their press release, the signs are:

  • Sudden, dramatic weight loss or constant weight fluctuation
  • Constantly feeling cold – even in warm weather
  • Negative self-talk, especially about one’s body
  • Changes in mood and desire to interact with others socially
  • Compulsive or excessive exercising
  • Frequently engaging in conversation about food
  • Avoiding certain foods that were once loved
  • Unusual behaviors at meal times – practicing food rituals or avoiding meals altogether
  • Using the bathroom right after a meal, or other signs of physical signs purging (swollen cheeks, marks/scars on knuckles – a.k.a. “Russell’s sign”)
  • Evidence of hoarding food, empty food wrappers or containers, or the disappearance of large amounts of food in a short time

Eating Recovery Day was started last year and the response to people sharing their stories of “hope and recovery” letting others know they can “enjoy their life again” has been overwhelming.

Dr. Rebecca Wagner, Clinical Director of Eating Recovery Center, Houston, shared with me that “Eating disorders have the highest mortality rate of any mental illness.” Most deaths occur through suicide and the secondary fatal implication is due to medical consequences. “ Eating disorders affect every organ in the body. We are not sure how it will affect any one person. Even people who have had an eating disorder for less than 10 years are still at risk.”

I want to add in an additional little-known sign that Dr. Wagner shared and that hit home for me.

She states, “[These patients are] experientially avoidant—they have much greater reactivity to conflict management.” One of the goals of treatment is to help people learn to manage everyday life crises, and that includes avoidant behavior, such as would apply to how an ED patient would react to confrontation. The avoidance of confrontation spills over into avoiding food. So, if you notice the above signs in a friend or loved one, and this person also has a difficult time controlling their emotions, or whose reactions seem irrational as it relates to “regular” emotional transactions, please take the steps to get them help.

Since the identification of Anorexia Nervosa and Bulimia, the ED spectrum has widened to include other types of EDs.

ARFID, as aforementioned is now a recognized eating disorder and the popularity of clean eating has enabled Orthoexia Nervosa, which Dr. Wagner identifies as another form of dieting, saying, “You cut out different things and keep going. It’s a dangerous cycle, but the result is the same. Severe malnourishment.”

What made a difference for me and I can pinpoint as the exact moment that recovery began was when I confessed my rules that I’d slapped a shameful label on.

“I make rules about eating,” I said, picking at an imaginary thread on the couch in the psychiatrist’s office, my empty stomach churning.

“Like what?” he asked, his gentle gaze holding mine.

“I don’t trust food and I don’t feel safe and so I try to control what I eat.”

“Go on,” he urged, nearly in a whisper.

My eyes filled with the tears of confession. I let them fall.


Original Article from: ‘The Huffington Post’

Does Your Mission Feel Like Punishment? You Might Be Doing It Wrong.

Does Your Mission Feel Like Punishment? You Might Be Doing It Wrong.



So many people start working in their passion when they finally identify what it is.


And it is a terrifying step to take. For one, you need to realize that you are in a comfort zone and roll around in your mind what that discovery means to you.

Are you blissful in the comfort zone? How does it make you feel? Do you see other people working in their purpose and it flips on a switch inside you to change your life?

Then it is time to make the leap.

Let’s say you figure out making the leap and you even manage to assemble some sort of common-sense processes. You are open to receiving your abundant gifts and the easy opportunities (the ideas that find you and that you can reap some sort of currency from. Time, money, lifting someone else up. In other words, a meaningful conversion.)

Yes, you are pounding away at the pavement in your factory. Grinding every day, as the saying goes.

Stop and sit in your moment.

Contemplate where your energy is going and ask yourself if you are living in your purpose or becoming enslaved by it.

Our purposes do not just involve us. They are not one-dimensional paths to success or gratitude. They involve ensemble players; each of us serving the other and when you are becoming an opportunity hoarder, you lose your purpose.

Cycles are funny. We get into them like we circle the drain. This is where we live; this is where we should stay close to; this is my supposed comfort. But we evolve out of each one and when we remain open to what our true jobs are, we move into another cycle.

In case this is clear as mud, let me explain. When I first opened the doors of my digital marketing and editorial agency, it was out of necessity. I wondered, what amount of money do I HAVE to make to survive? I lived in this cycle for a long time like a hungry catfish on the bottom of the ocean, seizing anything that came my way.

Then my mind cracked, light flooded in, and I realized that service and commitment were my brand and that people were responding to that.

I shifted internally: What can I do? How can I become limitless?

We can’t traverse this journey by ourselves. We need help. I accepted that truth and my mindset shifted again. It wasn’t my purpose to become everything to everyone, but to identify how I fit into the cast of characters. To find people who were gifted and able to serve as I loved to do…so I could still go ham in my strengths.

And as this new idea set up shop, I also realized that when we work alone, and when we accept abundant gifts and manifest that THAT is only the beginning. If we are fortunate enough to be busy and work in our beloved passion, then we also have a responsibility to grow as large as we can in our mission, but we need help. Obviously.

When we take on help, we avoid grueling work; we avoid burnout. We avoid being a person who can’t turn any opportunity down for ourselves, but who instead, accepts it knowing it is ours, but only to share. It is ours, but only to give since we are an instrument of abundance for people. We are supposed to be in this place offering an assist. We snap into place innately.

You can work in your passion and your drive may be highjacked as you ply your loving energy, but as you swell with the possibilities of blessings, then you need to make plans to handle it. You need to sit back and say, “I need help. I want to help. I am grateful for this landslide abundance but it is not meant for me alone.”

Living in this space is such a trip and knowing we are here for a greater collaborative reason is heady and simply beautiful.

Selfishly, it is so much more rewarding than seeking only to fill our own hunger. We kill for the pride.
And that is when the real blessings begin to show up, in the form of people you have been waiting to meet. Who are working in what captivates them, in the most reciprocal relationship you didn’t even know you needed. You WILL blow each other up.

Echoing relief, you will also learn some jobs are not yours in the time it takes to snap, they are gone. Given to their rightful owner, a team member wallowing in joy over the hand off.

Protect your passion. Plan for its continual evolution. If this is what you want to do, you WILL succeed. And when you do, I hope your team is ready for you. Your team carries on with the elements you cannot manage anymore, that they love, and you will have your true mission returned to you, but better.


Original Article From: “The Good Men Project”

The Unexpected Edge of Going First

The Unexpected Edge of Going First





September 2014, and I was finally speaking up.


After devouring eleventy-billion blogs, writing a book, and dreaming for countless hours of joining the fray of uplifting and action-oriented voices, I was invited to write for GMP.

What went through my head as I stared at the Word page slowly peppered with what I hoped were meaningful words… Don’t think too much.

I had written since I was a little girl, having no choice in the matter and at the mercy of my oddly wired brain. I was the kid scarfing up Benji the dog’s adventures when other kids were outside playing and whooping in the sun. I gobbled up reading more than my dad’s cook-all-day spaghetti and his frightful fire-down-below chili. So, I’d had a fair amount of practice playing with the art of the written word, but I also had the soothing that I needed for my frayed over-anxious mind. Because someone else had gone first. Someone else would decide if I was good enough. At long last, that job was not up to me.

That part was a relief as I am my own worst critic.

But I was going first in a way. Some of my friends weren’t writers although, they too, wanted to be. When I told them of my serendipitous luck and pluck, they were happy and nervous for me. And when I was finally published, they had questions. The same ones that had assaulted my spinning head…

How do I get to do that?

There is a beauty in going first and I can break it down to three gifts I’ve noticed.

1. Other people need you to go first. When you take the lead, you take some of their fear with you, too. You bring a dream closer to dreamers. They might think well, why can’t I do that cool thing, too? And you know what? They can! We all can because we all have a story to tell. Everyone has something of value to share. When you go first, you let people know it is possible to write, to innovate, to break the framework. You let it be known there are options, so maybe a person who’s contemplating will enjoy their fear of judgment waning as welll.

2. You get to chart the course when you take the lead. Figure it out! What worked for you? Why did it work? Can it apply to someone else’s hope? When you make a discovery a super fun gesture to try is to share what you know. You can monetize your formulas if you want, and you can also hand out referrals for zero bucks (and that feels pretty amazing!) Other people can look to you and study what you have done and find their own success. When you go first, try to remember to pay it forward to those who are looking to reinvent themselves as well.

3. You make all the mistakes and gather invaluable information when you lead. And you are that much further along in your quest after a fall. I don’t mind a misstep (most of the time) because I know that I am learning and if I pay attention, I will take in the lesson and never repeat the same course again. I just became that much more efficient and effective. And when you turn the corner out of the mistake and into comprehension of why you fumbled and what the silver lining is, then never again will you have to worry about that particular arc of the learning curve. It’s out of your system and you gathered important data to continue to sharpen your skills. Never again will you be as green as you were mere moments ago, having absorbed facts that seriously needed your understanding.

Yes, going first can be scary. You might feel alone and like no one can relate to you, but don’t forget, you’re not an island. Others have gone before you. When you feel shaky about your progress or that the stage is flooded with spotlights ready to pick up all your “flaws,” remember the people who preceded you. They had to screw their courage to the sticking post, just like you…as the saying goes…and odds are, even though they might not have realized some of their whys, they surely know now you are one of them. You were a reason they went forward. They might never lay eyes on your radiant, eager face. Nevertheless, you were a splash of gas in their tank driving them a little further from where they started.

Now, it’s time for you to send the elevator back down.

And that? THAT’s the BEST part!



Original Article From:  “The Good Men Project”

How to Defend Your Right to Dream

How to Defend Your Right to Dream



You’ve been there…business humming and hopping.


Referrals pouring in and you’re in the zone of not having to do a damn thing to grow. We get transfixed with taking action, with completing tasks, become extra verb-oriented in our work, and in our very existence.

We “mmmhmmm,” to the people around us who deserve more and even when we are solely handling one project our minds are a million butterflies escaping from a net. We can’t pay attention anymore due to the richness of overwhelm.

When what we pray for happens and we begin to learn the definition of financial success (whatever that means to you), it is overwhelming, in a “I’m going to carjack your brain” kind of way.

This is when we stop dreaming.

It is when we miss dreaming.

Yes, we are grateful for the black, silky serenity of thoroughly roasted sleep (read: flat-out exhaustion), but…we miss the chance to noodle and toodle over new inspirations.

We miss the chance to water our trees of epiphanies. To watch buds sprout. We start to mentally starve.

And we have to be careful of that. We have to be nurturing of what moves us.

We have to say no sometimes to rock in the mental hammock of downtime.

To not grow resentful of our own decisions.

When you are grappling with the tentacles of opportunity and every shiny thing looks like THE key to riches…STOP.

For even 20 minutes. Don’t tell me you don’t have 20 minutes.

Resist thinking about your tasks and close your eyes. Try not to sleep, producer.

Instead, dream while you are awake. Better yet, do you have a document where you write down whims you hope to “get to”? Dig it up and sink into it. What were you going to write about? What came to you in the middle of that meeting? What is the innovation you know would blow up? This is your list of dreams. Let your aim be to add one thing…but just like sex, don’t rush it, okay? Loll around and let the pleasure flow through you. You LOVE what you do…how it feels. What is does to your heart and mind. So, if you can lengthen the list, great…if not, that’s okay, too. Then let your plan be to take ONE action to further the dream on your list. Take it out of fantasy mode and on-board it into production.

Here’s an example. I want to reach out to someone and collaborate because I think my peanut butter would mesh deliciously with their sweet jelly. Guess what? Dream time is the time. I will use part of my 20 mins and find them on Facebook and send them a message about the beautiful sandwich we can make and savor.

Another action: I want to expand my media reach and I have a gripping article topic. I will take advantage of this time to suss out the right person to help me and I will ASK or pitch RIGHT THEN and THERE.

What about the beauty of doing nothing…what if your dream time feels more like you should sit and have lunch by a lake? Perfect! Then take the action of letting your thoughts run loose like a spool of thread spilled on the floor. Can you ideate as you eat? Of course, and it will be such a palatable and memorable lunch. Make sure you have something with you to write down what dreams may come…or tap them into the notes section on your phone.

That’s not hard, right? Now add it up: 20 minutes a day, five times a week! Seven if you work for yourself (that’s an insider entrepreneur joke!) and you will find you can dedicate yourself to the grind and to progressing from the internal proliferation to the external manifestation.

I was once worried that my well of writing ideas would run dry. But what I have learned instead, is that the more you are in it, the more you slosh around in the muddiness of imperfect potential and the immaturity of the sparks of illumination, the more you will fill up that recess in your hoping head.

Daydreaming generates possibilities, and the notion that we are authentically prepared to conquer, to introduce, to change, to impact, to grow, to connect, to collaborate, to partner, and to polish and (insert your verb here) is POWERFUL.

It is why kids MUST play. To remain thrilled at life!

It fuels you and loads you up with energy to get through the GRIND that you created by being incessantly CREATIVE. You need it to spur you along, little dogie.

It is the yin to the realized workload yang. You cannot exist without it…well, you can, but you might be a joyless slug, just humpin’ along on the gritty concrete. Uninspired, uninformed and thoughtlessly driven by your taskmaster self.

Dream MORE about what you will bring to fruition in your life. DREAM hard about fitting your gear into the machinations of someone else’s invention.

Take the time to honor your wildfire fancies and THAT will lead you to even greater moments of discovery in your business, relationships and LIFE. <3


Original Article from: “The Good Men Project”

UFC Fighter Aims To Inspire The World

UFC Fighter Aims To Inspire The World


You’ve heard his name, been awed at his skills in the ring, but Alan Belcher is bigger than his ranking performances.


Even his mindset has always eclipsed any perceived limitations. While other kids were busy trying to nail the dime-a-dozen job, Belcher was building businesses that would allow him to indulge his passion…teaching Martial Arts classes as he competed at the highest levels of mixed martial arts.

Despite what might have been deemed a discouragement to his goals (the fact that he was only 15, an age when most high school boys are still squirreling around in school), Belcher proved his own mettle, going to head-to-head in the UFC and winning multiple Performance of the Night awards. And he discovered that he had a natural aptitude for not only scaling his own entrepreneurships, but he has gone on to help others do the same…applying his hard-won experience to coach hundreds of martial arts school leaders and propelling them to the six and seven-figure mark.

It’s still not enough to satisfy Belcher’s thirst, who truly does aim to change the world. His positivity and belief in himself and in every person he encounters cannot be reined.

He recognizes he has been called to a higher mission than even fulfilling his personal aspirations and that is to help others unlock their potential.

And in a perfect analogy of like attracting like, Belcher will soon be at the helm as the featured speaker Alan “The Talent” Belcher at the Undisputed Leadership Summit. He leads a pack of 20+ of the one-percent of the one-percent, the top hustlers, the groundbreaking entrepreneurial champions, the motivational superstars genuinely moving the world and everyone in their path to greater success.

The goal of this magnanimous event? How about 100+ years of insane and proven self-made mastery, how about exposure to the mindsets of those at the peak? Belcher leans in to 10x your purpose with the likes of mold-shattering speakers like Mike Filsaime, better known as the “Michael Jordan of Internet Marketing;” Alex Charfen, The Personal Coach to Billionaires; Tony Horton, Creator of the P90x Fitness Series and Drew Manning, Executive Producer of the Hit A&E Show Fit to Fat to Fit, and so many more that I can’t list them without running out of room. Imagine that you can attend this webinar. You don’t have to travel anywhere. You don’t have to save up any money, but you’ll just get the one-on-one vulnerableness of every single speaker on the docket for six “epic” days. Why wouldn’t you do it?

Excuse me if I get a little starry-eyed, but this is the equivalent of filling up a room with some of the most positive thinkers on the planet. The people that figure out life for a living and the leaders with the biggest and most benevolent hearts.

If you are an entrepreneur deep in the grind, you get it. We’re always “yearning to learn.”

If you have ever gotten in your own way while you’ve been running your business, and who hasn’t? Then why not blow open your horizons to learn how the big dogs of business ownership think? What are they doing differently? How are they approaching problem-solving? Belcher was born this way, ready to conquer and charge ahead to victories, and that takes a different perspective. Sharing what he knows could literally upend your life…in an unforgettable, and see-ya-later-I’m-off-to-the-bank-again manner.

Investing in your business as an entrepreneur is just part and parcel of the budget you must be willing to spend on yourself and this event…although, it happens to be free…for now…qualifies as the time and attention you need to take to transform your business.

Alan Belcher overcame his own self-limiting beliefs…he learned he could rank #3 in the UFC Middleweight Division.

He denied any perceptions the world had of him as a teenager.

He learned to visualize consistent winning.

He leveraged missteps into opportunity.

He refused to be stopped in the ring and out.

And hey, I consider myself an uber-upbeat person, but to crack the code on continual winning, I’m in to learn:

  • What’s the secret to never stopping?
  • How do you push past disappointment?
  • When do you know that you need to outsource help?
  • What’s the most efficient way to train a team?
  • What should you never subcontract?

The truth: I want to know what he and 26 other professional positive movers and shakers know.

Because this is a part of the drive of being an owner operator: learning what you don’t know you don’t know. And I would prefer to be selective with where I take my advice. To run an enterprise that puts others first usually requires a journey of the heart, but Belcher recognized how he wanted to affect people in his extended circle as a youngster. His logical progression takes him off the mat and moves him into a more natural position: leadership…and giving back…along with over 20 of his friends.

Original Article from: ‘The Huffington Post’

Three Strategies You Must Use To Pre-Launch Your Self-Published Book

Three Strategies You Must Use To Pre-Launch Your Self-Published Book



Reverse engineering is the tactic that will pay off for you when you decide to self-publish a book.


Notice, that having self-published a book already is not noted as a requirement or even as a desired place to start.

That’s because you must begin your pre-launch plans before you’ve written one single word.

Allow Trevor Crane of Step Up Strategies to elaborate. A best-selling book marketing whip and author and one of three Cranes holding the best-seller title, Crane knows what he is talking about. Most recently, he issued and achieved a challenge he dared himself: to publish 10 books in three months. He wrote five of them himself, and unbelievably his inspiring and adorable daughter, Phoenix Crane, just nine-years-old wrote the other five! In that same month, his wife also released her own book.

In addition to Step Up Strategies, a book marketing business, Trevor owns and operates the publishing companies Bestseller Big Business Publishing and the children’s imprint Super Kids Book Publishing. Crane urges authors considering writing a book to set their sights on the steps that precede the perceived onset. And just as his social proof strategy has repeatedly demonstrated, he advises you to assess your business needs before you kickoff your pre-launch campaign.

You must reinforce and build upon your business in preparation for the release.

Use these three tips to stay ahead of the publishing pack:

  1. Get clarity about what you are promoting and writing. This is when you will do the market testing to gauge the interest of your finished work. Resist getting caught up in your story. That part will come, but it must come in due and logical time. Just like you can’t start building a house without a blueprint, you can’t write a book until you know who you are writing for and what your marketing plan will look like. To distill your clarity, you need to get help. Authors are too close to their projects, to their dreams. Look at your book as a product, and determine its relevance to your readers. Answer the questions people who are curious about your book will ask: who are you writing for? Where will you advertise? Where will you get your best results, and so on.
  2. Declare to the world that you are writing a book. This one little (and sometimes terrifying) action holds you accountable. It forces you to take action to make good on your word. You can leverage the declaration that you are writing and that you will reach your target. One of Trevor’s clients sold 25 business sessions at a trade show before she had typed a single sentence. Once she had told the world what she intended to do, she went straight to the most acclaimed mentors in her industry and now her book contains highly valuable content and is of course, a best-seller.
  3. Focus on your story. NOW, you get to plan your captivating content. But even in laying out your fortuitous tale, there are formulas to follow, hooks to be crafted, influencing foreword writers to woo. Whatever your genre is, research it, particularly the best-sellers. Repurpose it in your own fashion, in your own words and with your unique take on your subject. Your book should be readable, flow well, and adhere to creative guidelines: vary sentence lengths and set scenes, as an example.

Trevor stresses that a majority of writers he hires come to him harboring a strong dislike for their own books! All because they did not do the work to understand the importance of pre-launch planning. Pre-launch is a long game, an intricate design with many involved steps which when orchestrated correctly enable your ongoing success as an author.



Original Article from: ‘The Huffington Post’