The people I work with in my career as a writer and editor are so cool. Many of them are business owners and entrepreneurs and half the time they act as my own legion of life coaches! As a result, I am privy to innovative thought processes and unique ways of surmounting obstacles.
I also stumble upon content that pushes my own continual healing. Personally, I do a ton of writing on learning to eliminate self-limiting beliefs and examining how our pasts can fuel our emotional rehab.
After a certain amount of internal work has been accomplished; I’m talking decades of counseling, tapping into the gift of changing your mindset and figuring out how to handle compulsions and urges in the form of eating disorders and anxiety tendencies, you can start to chip away at your own self-awareness.
How do other people see my responses? (Not from a standpoint of needing their validation), but to gather intel on how you can be more compassionate, for example).
- Do I understand my triggers?
- Do I know how to rationally react to these triggers?
- What do you believe you are capable of accomplishing?
- How do you define your limitations?
I don’t want to give anything else away, but I did take a test, which took me deeper into evaluating particular habits and beliefs about myself than I would have dissected on my own. I had never taken a test like this, asking these sorts of questions and it spurred my self-examination. I’ve always wanted to ask myself these questions so I could think about how far I’ve come in my healing journey. But I never knew what the questions would be. It’s always valuable to gauge our progress and so I seized the opportunity.
But why is understanding our self-awareness important to our emotional health?
Let me give you an example. My childhood was rough; it didn’t offer a lot of security and when we are plunged into and restrained in survival mode, this is how we think long-term. It is how we plan. We use this method like we flex a muscle. Our every decision has a desperate root. We can’t move out of simply reacting quickly to situations and triggers. I was not self-aware during this time. I was furious and devastated and terrified because there was no motionless core to which I could anchor. I didn’t care how I affected people when I spoke, or through my actions. Half of my responses were couched in the subconscious need to receive some kind of frickin’ validation that I was worth anything. Truly, I could have given a crap less about the feelings I influenced in others.
After many years of counseling and answering the need in me to heal on a consistent circuit of self-revelation as I build confidence and internal work, I can now say, I care about people’s feelings.
I care about my own self-awareness, too, and I use questions like these to push my healing even further.
Understanding our limitations is critical because it frames our confidence. Knowing your triggers allows you to plan for your deliberate reaction, and it gives you invaluable information about yourself.
I believe that triggers, when confronted are actually our biggest avenues to emotional prosperity. When we define and accept our fears, we can develop plans to move past them, to practice making them smaller and less damaging to our lives. We can have internal conversations with ourselves about being afraid and identifying where fear comes from, that we are humans and instead of seeking to avoid, we can use our histories to teach us, and when we get stronger…we can teach others what has worked for us as well.
I am not denying there are triggers that are paralyzing and traumatizing, but I am a believer in finding the solution to not overcome what we have been exposed to, (because we will never be the same) but to compartmentalize our experiences to our benefit. We can use visualization to shrink terror. We can reason through fright. Because education is the antidote to fear, right?
It is possible to get better. To feel less pain.
We can help other survivors. But before we do, we need to hone our own insight into our self-awareness and realize the vital role it plays in our positive emotional health. I am not a counselor or therapist. My full-time job has been progressive healing. These perspectives have worked for me and that is why I share them. To help people recover from the wounds of their past.
Original article appeared at Huffington Post. Reprinted with permission.
I am taking my first business trip to go to the Success Live event with my publisher. This is the first time I will have traveled since getting sick with transverse myelitis, since learning a trip to Target could double as a marathon. So…I am taking my darling daughter, Lauren as my assistant. She and I will be flying into LAX and staying in Long Beach right near the ocean.
This is a big deal for me as I will be getting the message out about Sick Biz, seeking sponsorship and hearing some of the most inspirational minds speak.
I am a little concerned about all the traveling with the physical challenges I face, but we will use a chair when needed and I will have my trusty golden cane, Deacon, my husband, refers to as Goldenrod.
I know I can do this and I want to lead by example that we can all do things that scare us.
It doesn’t matter what they are…it doesn’t matter what challenges we face…we are the ones who are always in our own way.
So, I am removing those obstacles in my mind and in my tangible life and doing as I advise those who are afraid…focusing on the action.
It’s like I told the kids when they were younger and learning to do chores. “I know how you feel about the dishes, but it doesn’t matter because it still needs to be done.”
This mission needs to go on. The dissemination of the message needs to be done.
I can work anywhere. I can do anything. I can serve anyone, and I can grow this initiative in ways of which I am not even aware.
To have a publisher and professional, proven people stand behind our organization in support of this mission to help such a very special demographic, is mind-blowing. It is happening and I am happily freaking out, but it feels like the universe is also aligning.
Like I can see more clearly.
I am grateful to be the vessel.
I read somewhere that sometimes gold is used to reinforce cracks in broken pottery. What if we all viewed ourselves this way?
What if we all walked into the darkness because it was the way to our brightest light? To the gifts, we all can bring to the world?
That we have a responsibility to manifest?
As soon as the decision was made in our minds and hearts that Lauren and I could do this…the universe aligned profitably.
I know we can do this…we are spreading the message and the reason with love.
We are helping our very first entrepreneur!
We thrive off your support!
My heart is opening even wider to receive what people need.
Every day we learn what our roles are in this world. We are all deserving creatures.
Compassion is what people need. No matter who you are, what you do, where you live, what you look like. We are all human and deserving of care.
In fact, we crave it!
I never thought I would learn strength and empowerment from my baby girl.
I never thought I would learn to be supported ceaselessly through love, laughter and cheer, after years of receiving disposable treatment. I expand in love every day now.
How did I get so lucky?
We are on the road to helping more entrepreneurs reach their dreams. To spreading their messages so they, too, can ripple outward and improve our planet.
I have never been more honored to be an instrument of the universe.
Please spread the message of Sick Biz, and how we can help sick and disabled entrepreneurs through lending a hand to improve their strategies, executions, and finances through a collaborative community of support.
The title of my book will be Sick Success! Thank you to everyone who contributed their thoughts. Now to work on the subtitle. The description is due this week.
#LABound #sicksuccess #unstoppable #bethechange
Photo credit and fantastic artwork: Hilary Jastram
Nothing compares to you…new authors.
From my client and first-time author:
“Second draft back from the editor. This is what she wrote.
‘Readers will FLY through this book as they glean their needed lessons because it is a nimble and memorable work.’
Blown away and super excited 😊
Good morning, loves!
Here’s my view this morning as we start this day.
After an eventful week, and offering compassion to people going through various trauma, a thought occurs.
Do you know what is a surprising part of self-care?
Giving yourself permission to disengage and even saying no to the things, actions and words that other people say or do.
We often think of self-care as taking actions like slowing down, catching a pocket of peace, indulging in a hot shower and eating well. These are habits we can practice to care for our mental well-being, but so is saying no. It prevents rising stress.
I am usually a “yes” woman but am learning it is okay to not only say no but to push out deadlines and expectations, so people are not disappointed.
I used to wake up every day not feeling enough, not feeling particularly special.
I remember 16 years ago, driving to work and rounding out the work day glued to the TV on a squeaky cart.
The reminder of this country’s devastation and horror spurs memories of where we have come.
What were you doing on this day?
How has your life changed?
Do you like the direction your life is going now?
My life is unrecognizable. I could never have guessed I would be here. In this house, with my hubby, my children all living very different lives. That I would not be working for others, but in rampant excitement for my own dream.
Are you working for your dreams? Are you ignoring what you really want to do because of fear? Because it is so challenging to say no to other people and so there is nothing left for you?
Are you in the grip of toxic people who don’t think about you and what you need? Who don’t care about how you feel? How you are affected? Who make it their priority to hurt you?
I understand. And while I have sad days because of these necessary changes I’ve had to make, my life is so much better.
Whatever you need to do, you can.
I have spoken with many people on the impacts they allow in their lives. From CA to MN and places in between, the commonality this week is self-sacrifice to our own detriment.
It is being afraid to ask for help in case we might seem weak.
Do you know what is harder than giving?
It is okay on the anniversary of this tragedy, as a survivor of the hurricanes or fires or regular ol’ freakin’ trauma (nothing regular or simple about it), to ASK. Most people are good. Accommodating, compassionate, loving and are waiting to help.
Let’s expand our self-care to include our right to peace from toxicity and judgment. You want to be accepted and loved.
Tell yourself you are and then BAM…you will be.
But what holds us back from proclaiming we are enough?
Maybe believing we are not experts of ourselves? Then who else is? There is no one more vested as deeply as you to care for you, to run your defense. It is okay to believe you have the answers in your heart and gut.
Let’s close with a bullet list for the week:
>Keep going even when no one is clapping.
>Reject negative energy and treatment.
>Say no to owning anyone else’s drama and pain. You are responsible for you only.
>Self-love converts to dynamic confidence.
>You are your expert.
>Work on asking and receiving.
>Say no when you are at max capacity.
>Working consistently will get you to success.
>Rest, don’t stop.
>Vulnerability is the new strength.
>People are mostly good.
>Retrain your negativity by changing your thoughts.
Now, let’s get after it. I have a massive week ahead and many goals to nail.
I know you are staring down the same barrel.
So, deep breath, one task at a time. Choose your nearest deadline first, then clobber it!
Take joy in checking off those to-dos and all the creature comforts that arise from slaying.
Feel your confidence in your purpose. One foot in front of the other.
No one is more capable than you of running and elevating your life. No one else has your tools, experience or history. Do your best with the tools you have, then push yourself out of your comfort zone. Do just one intimidating thing—dominate it!
Ignore your fear and laser focus on the action. I promise you will be so proud of yourself and this is fuel for the next step!
Let’s get after it.
I believe in YOU. <3
Reprinted from Facebook. Go ahead, follow me!
Photo credit: Hilary Jastram
I am not condemning followers, not chastising the leaders in our field generating millions in speaking engagements. There is a place for them. These people and their aspirations and their proven grasp of clutching onto their unique truth are worthwhile and in some cases, life-changing.
It doesn’t negate the danger that can arise from mindless subscription, however.
You are a business owner, entrepreneur, a successful individual in your own right, possessing signature gifts that can’t be duplicated.
You are not a mini Tony Robbins or Gary V. There is a beauty in learning what you can from such pioneers, yes, but at some point, you must turn back to yourself.
What is your vision? It’s okay if it’s different than what appears to be trending right now.
What is your “why”? It’s okay if it doesn’t match everyone else’s. Your “why” is by its very design intended to apply to the nuances in your life, your circle, your income, your purpose, your passion.
You might look longingly at a pop-up business or funnel service and imagine you can do the same. Maybe you would even be more successful. Stop then, and examine what’s in your heart.
What do you want to do?
THIS is where you will never go wrong.
Several months ago, when the services in my business ran the gamut from marketing to graphic design to copywriting to book editing, I spoke with a client.
“I have no idea what the hell you are doing,” he said to me.
I met that with an uproarious laugh. Because I was hungry to know how other people saw me and my business. That day, after talking with him, I cut out graphics and marketing strategy from my offerings. Now, my subcontractors and I focus on being the best in copywriting, editing and book editing. Boom. That’s it.
It’s what I wanted to do. The conversation with my client, (because I had answered honestly) had reset my course. I am happier. My energy is vibrant and enthusiastic because I feel and I know I am where I need to be.
Humans are interesting studies in psychology every day. Sometimes what holds us back is wanting the identical fortune of another. When we deny our natural leanings and aptitude, then we deny our very purpose. The reason we are here.
We grow to our largest size in our mission. We link to associated and partnering opportunities through working in our revelations, and we find the conduit to greatness in this manner, too.
Our journeys are not supposed to look like a replica of someone else’s. We can penetrate into the same network, hoping to mimic success, but will soon find that we will not be effective if we are not ourselves. And guess what? A person’s passion is not so easily imitated. Because passion is charged with past experiences, physiological wiring, lineage, exposure, interest, education, and the congealing of all these qualities are what lead us to our given TRUTH.
We are here to discover and solve our own mysteries and to fill our intended role. The one that is meant solely for us.
It is a zillion times more fulfilling to strike out on our own anyway. We will OWN what we reap then. Our ideas, strength, progress. Illumination. It becomes ours to keep.
I am here to be a cheerleader to others and to help them apply different and more effective ways to reach positive outcomes and thought processes in their life.
I am here to help people tell their stories in a moving manner so their books and content will remain with their readers.
I am here to help people discover the opportunities they might not be able to see because they are too close to them.
I did not know this until I had accepted my own vulnerabilities. I did not know I could offer anything different than being a drone until, terrified, I opened up to possibilities that were completely foreign.
Getting vulnerable, resonant and honest is exactly what you need to do to catapult ahead into your deepest success levels.
Your income may be different.
Your marriage or partnership may be different.
None of your relationships may mirror anyone else whom you admire.
As long as you find enduring bliss in your life, as long as you can sense in your gut you are answering your own quests, as long as you are heeding that tempo no one else hears but you…you are exactly where you are supposed to be. You will be serving in your greatest capacity and you will realize your greatest rewards and talents.
Original article appeared at Marketing Insiders. Reprinted with permission.
Photo credit: Pixabay
In 2014, I was still stubborn. Burning that damn candle always at both ends.
Racing out the door in morning, nodding at the kids and hubs while the family prattled about their day. I wasn’t present. I was panicked, my thoughts a mile, 20 miles ahead. I had anxiety attacks all the time. Ungodly metabolism like a pat of butter in a searing frying pan and fighting the grip of a ravenous eating disorder that was so severe my body feasted on my muscles.
Have you ever had your muscle gasses measured in your urine? Good times.
When I got sick I mourned the lost me. In perfect hindsight, it wasn’t ever ideal. I fought against myself every single day. Every moment. I shone outwardly, had studied the art of polish and I could pull off a dazzling smile and nod like a bobblehead, but I was a veneer. My body coated with a thin gloss that could crack with a wrong look. I overanalyzed and examined other people’s opinions ceaselessly. Constantly seeking approval that was never enough…and was never found in me.
Still, I grieved when the ground was replaced with a listing ship plank. I grieved what I thought I was losing. The person who was able to travel and seize every opportunity. Except I hadn’t done that. I lived in the grind of someone else’s dream. That was reality. I was not confident in my core, reaction-parented and waited for the end of my relationship. I didn’t believe in me.
So, who was I really grieving?
The dream of the person I know I can be, and the one I am shooting for “if only I weren’t sick.”
It’s not real.
I lie to myself.
Start to rip the dusty carpet off the stairs, get two minutes in and call to my hubs who has to take on the job with as much grace as he can. Sometimes I think he’s a better person than me! I lie to myself, a puppy will not exhaust me. I lie to myself that I can keep up with the sick grind of the superstars.
Because I am afraid business will dry up if people know the truth.
I had a breakthrough yesterday. Spoke with a coach like one I had never met before. I hope to work with him one day.
But he asked me, “Do you think the butterfly would ever want to go back to being a caterpillar?”
Of course, we know the answer. No.
So, in the interest of full transparency, I am going to share with you. I am a butterfly who can accomplish different things than that caterpillar, and there are some things the caterpillar did that I will not be able to do anymore. For the first time since I got ill on April Fool’s Day (worst joke ever!) I am going to tell you… it’s hard.
It’s hard, but it doesn’t mean I don’t do it.
It doesn’t mean I haven’t had to innovate new ways of working. If I have to take a nap or drop, guess what the decision is? It’s hard and sometimes I can’t stand the dizziness. I can’t stand the natural curiosity when I just want to shop (occasionally, from a chair).
“Oh, did you hurt yourself?”
“No,” I say, not caring about awkwardness and wanting to get on with whatever I am doing. “I have a disease.”
It’s hard, but I have slowed life down and expanded my work hours so it’s manageable. It’s hard and I thought I would lose everything. But instead, life got deeper and richer.
Life is a crazy mofo.
I don’t want you to see the facade. It is really hard to be in this body every day, but I do it, endlessly thankful for a passion that pushes me and sometimes drags me! I am humbled and excited and then discouraged all in the same five minutes.
I know some peeps are not so lucky. I am a naturally optimistic person and that makes it so much easier.
So, butterfly me can’t go to regular yoga without needing assistance to walk to my car afterward.
Butterfly me can go for 20 minutes maximum, or sometimes not at all.
Butterfly me can use the mental trap in my head to latch onto ideas and inspirations. Caterpillar me would turn those ideas over and chastise imperfect action.
Butterfly me traded one sick body for another, but in a way, I am healthier. I am definitely happier.
I needed to break to get there.
Butterfly me knows there is a reason for this illness; it is to help others reach their own dreams despite the perception of their own limitations.
So, I say goodbye to the lofty hope that I will ever be physically and “normally” functional again. After more than three years, I can finally open my arms to butterfly me and tell her I’ve been waiting to hug her tight for all her efforts and I am overjoyed to accept her just as she is. She is a pretty great little cookie.
I haven’t been very nice to myself. Unforgiving. Harsh. Judgmental. Ashamed. Angry. Disappointed. Maybe you can relate?
That bullshit ends today. We all have our stories and our things.
I love my life, but it’s not a sanitized Facebook post. It is hard. I cry. I rage. I slump.
But then…I rise. Like we all can.
Weirdly, I wouldn’t trade out my transverse myelitis and suspected multiple sclerosis. Because I became whole as I crumbled.
Maybe my disease even saved me?
What is waiting to save you that you are denying?
Are you being kind to yourself? Are you respecting all of who you are and who you are not? Why?
What are you fearful of losing if you get honest?
One more tie cut to the old me. I am better for it today. And tomorrow. I accept this new chapter and everything it will bring.
I hope you will, too.
Original article appeared at The Mighty. Reprinted with permission.
Thinkstock Image By: artant