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Why Self-Doubts Lead to Self-Sabotage in Business

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

    

 Our thoughts DO become our actions. Change your thoughts, change your life.

 

There are two types of people I deal with on a daily basis, the people who are positive and persistent even their speech reflects this), and people who seem to hope for the best, but whose words trip up their chance at success.

Here’s an example of two conversations with entrepreneurs:

Entrepreneur 1: Yes, I absolutely can make that work in my schedule! I just reached out to this contact and I know we are going to hit it off. I’ll have a contract by the end of the week.

Entrepreneur 2: I’ll try and make it happen. It might work out and I hope it does. I tried my hardest to close that deal, but now we just wait and see. I’ll have a backup plan, just in case.

Two great people whose work I greatly respect and admire. Two people packed with talent. Two different ways of phrasing opportunities in their life.

No, not everyone can be all gung-ho, and “let’s move mountains.” Okay, I accept that, but also accept that nine times out of ten, the more cautious entrepreneur is not going to get that gold ring. And why?

The saying, “our thoughts become our actions is true.”

Any little crack in the armor, any minor crimp in the chain will betray your body language and the confidence in your words.

I looked back at my Facebook timeline and this was a fascinating exercise. I encourage you to do it.

2009

 

 

 

2017, a few days ago.

 

 

 

 

 

What’s the difference? Something snapped in me after I hit my bottom in 2009. My marriage broke up, my family took sides, my kids were miserable, I was losing my house and I FELT LIKE A VICTIM. So, I approached my life that way…as if everything was out of my control…as if I were merely fulfilling my destiny to struggle. As if I would always be the black sheep of the family. My self-deprecating humor reflected this. Oh, I was funny AF, but I was hurting. I would make jokes at my own expense and everyone would laugh, but I was covering up the fact I felt like a failure, like I couldn’t fit in anywhere. I had no idea what I was doing…and my feelings about my inabilities sprang into life!

I couldn’t get ahead at work because I didn’t believe I was ever going to be good enough.

I couldn’t make a relationship last usually longer than five years because I didn’t know what that kind of work entailed. I couldn’t control my emotions because I believed I was a (reckless) crusader. I couldn’t confidently parent my children because I second guessed myself. I didn’t believe I would ever get better, would ever recover from an eating disorder and thought that I would always be a disappointment and “too much” for anyone else to handle.

I wish I could tell you when I woke up. I wish I could tell you when I began to realize my job here on earth is to encourage people and to love them into their own acceptance.

One day it changed.

And then I did the same thing the next day. The more I accomplished in my head…that I REFUSED to make jokes about my supposed lack of worth, the more I believed it.

I reset my emotions. I looked at everything I needed to do to heal with loving acceptance of ME. Instead of feeling shame at my past mistakes, I accepted them and did not blame my past or anyone else for them… HOWEVER, with the level of shit I was exposed to, I could UNDERSTAND my poor decisions. And I loved myself into acceptance and true forgiveness.

It improved my personal life, my relationships in all areas, and it improved my business.

Because you cannot believe that you are a worthless pile and then go on ahead and close significant deals, forge contacts and expect to win prospects over. You have to believe you are capable in every area of your life.

FOR ONE HOUR, change your self-talk. Stop joking about how inept you are, etc. Because when you do, you are both continually trying to accept your perceived shortcomings and punishing yourself for having them. People say, “It’s all in good fun. I don’t really mean it about myself.” But you put the thought into action in your head. You manifested the negative into a belief that reflects in everything you do. After one hour (be strict with yourself now because self-love is tough love), try two. And three and so on.

Watch what happens.

Events you believe to be out of your control, suddenly aren’t (although, I recognize all we do is strive for control.) I’m talking about opportunities. I’m talking about using good and healthy habits to improve your life.

Start today and in three months look back on your Facebook timeline. As an aside, I don’t need motivational coaches. My feed is filled with the most encouraging, uplifting, positive messages you could ever see or fathom. I use my newsfeed to fill my soul and reinforce my confidence. You can do the very same thing. Start unfollowing and block that draining energy!

When you change the messages you believe about yourself on the inside, you will not believe the impact on the outside.
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Original article appeared at The Good Men ProjectReprinted with permission.

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