From an eating disorder to relationship fears, this helped Hilary Lauren turn life’s mountains into molehills.
After a lifetime of ups and down and shucking and jiving to bend myself to job changes, divorces, childhood issues, abusive relationships, financial worries, one gnarly eating disorder and a whole mix of other crap, I am a survivor. For many years I wasn’t as strong as I am now, I tumbled from here to there, and did what I needed to survive for myself and my kids, but I wasn’t learning anything, wasn’t taking charge. I was merely reacting. (more…)
Standing your ground can come at a steep price, but you will never regret it.
We’re there, you and me. All our lives, accommodating. Using time and energy because we care about other people. It makes you feel like a doormat sometimes, doesn’t it? But you understand everyone goes through ordeals, and hey, I don’t judge. I’m betting you don’t either if you’re a giver. So we continue to try and understand, to extend ourselves to our own detriment, and in a weird way, it still feels good.
Due to the crazy emotions of never believing I was enough, of needing to prove myself, I lived in that place.
The physical deterioration from the disease in my body came the way change does, all at once, with no warning and with zero consideration for my aspirations.
Long story short, sickness interfered with my career goals, or rather, it eviscerated them. From a steady, predictable gig in the corporate world, I was thrust into frantic scrambling to find any semblance of marketing work in mere months. I went from holding the position of web admin at a retail powerhouse to holding onto the walls to support myself when I walked. I eventually lost my job because I was not well enough to commit to the hours needed on site, and I am still not recovered enough to consider anything in that capacity. I may never be. (more…)
It’s been a rocky 42 years, but I am pleased to report life seems to be turning itself around. It wasn’t for a lack of trying, because I have always been a scrapper. Rather, it was for a lack of understanding.
Most of my relationships hovered at the surface, barely scraping the layer beneath, never graduating to that deeper level I wanted. Decades spent jumping through the requisite hoops without realizing more meaningful connections forced me to realize I had just learned the motions. I had become an automaton, performing as was recommended and trying my damndest every day without ever grasping why I should affect the gestures of the dancing bear.
It wasn’t until I got life-changing sick, that I was able to ascend another strata into the realm of what is life about anyway? That I awoke to an immersion in true happiness, complete with a fresh answer to the question what does it mean to be fulfilled? It’s very individual… this striving for more, this crystallization of your particular path. When the lights come on and you go forward, at last privy to the loose plans you might be lucky enough to pencil in, that is illumination. This is how I progressed:
Living in a rut is exhausting.
You may know someone who seems unlucky, or maybe you feel that way yourself. Your inner voice echoes, I can’t believe all the shit happening to me. I must be the unluckiest person alive. Or maybe, This isn’t my day… again.
You make plans, do your best to follow through with the details. You might overanalyze and still you wonder, Why in the world is my life so hard?
I have talked to many people about their issues, especially since I’ve gotten chronically ill. Other members of my support group and I share symptom similarities, relate how we feel in a safe space, and I have noticed there are some who heal better, more quickly, and with a greater lasting impact than others.