Words escape me lately when I think about what is valuable to share.
All I know is sometimes the most traumatic breaks we experience are exactly what we need to WAKE UP.
I was reflecting yesterday, wondering what my life would be like if I wasn’t sick. And I started envisioning everything I would be doing that I am doing now–but more. Then the record skipped and I realized that was a lie.
I would still be working for someone else, reporting for work in my cubicle and writing someone else’s marketing and ad copy. I damn sure wouldn’t have edited nearly 60 books.
I was too stubborn and scared to move on my own and it took fracturing my life into pieces before I could examine it as deeply as I needed to.
Yes, I was physically sick. But emotionally I was worse. Tied into codependent, toxic relationships. Committing in word but not heart. Never trusting although I was quick to say I did. Parenting terrified. I was my worst critic and would rip myself to shreds all in the name of being better and finally mattering.
I HAD to break and I thank God every day I did. When I got sick, I lied to myself about what I could do. That’s when I learned – after starting to pull the carpet off the stairs – that what I began had to be finished by my husband. Did I want that kind of relationship where I forced him into my messy reality because I couldn’t accept my limitations? Absolutely not. That was a hard reset of taking into my heart this new me. But I had to learn to be okay and to love me for me…not for what I could or couldn’t do.
When I couldn’t fly to Dallas and was plunged into the longest flare I’d had since I’d gotten sick, I finally learned that I can’t hustle the way other people do. I need help and that’s okay. Since that break in my health and consciousness, firm boundaries have been set as far as what I will and will not do. I can’t run my business without help anymore…just like we can’t do anything without help really. Just like no one is really self-made.
These breaks are amazing mirrors of what has been done and what to do differently. I refuse to waste the pain experienced.
My point today is that I am going deeper. My head is happier, my heart is open. What brings me joy goes layers further. I have started scheduling my SM time and enjoying dinner with my family again. I am enjoying life less through a screen. I am letting my passions carry me away and bringing greater meaning to what I am doing.
Many people get all pissed off when they break, even imagining they might be immune to such a thing, to the pain of life. But none of us are. Life-shifting pain is coming for all of us, but we get to control the level of misery. We get to try and make peace with it instead of fighting it to be the person we wanted to be…but if we are being honest, we more than likely weren’t.
Life-shifting pain is coming for all of us, but we get to control the level of misery.
Abundance…there is enough for us all.
Faith…free falling restores the sensation of control.
Trust…you cannot learn to trust without trusting.
Acceptance…your value is in YOU. Not what you do.
How will you come down the other side of the mountain tomorrow?
xoxoxo Be well.
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